I got fatter......

I've been tired for almost 5 years.  Fat and tired. And emotional.  And crabby. And unhealthy. My dad, my hero, got sick and died in 2009 and IT SUCKED SOOOO BAD.  And I went from fat and happy - to fat and sad.

Now - I've never been skinny.  Never.  In high school I was chubby.  In college I slimmed out for a minute.  Then I fell in love and got fat again in quick succession.  Got married. Got fatter.  Had a baby.  Got fatter.  Had another baby while the first baby was still a baby.  Got fatter.  Then - because the love of my life {LOML} and I did things bass ackwards - we raised our toddlers {T & J}  into children while working and going to college full time.  I had a great job in Florida and was successful and well liked by my co-workers.  I was good at my job, a good mom, good wife, good daughter, good Girl Scout leader, good friend....good, good, good.  I had a good self esteem.  I knew I was fat.  But I was ok.

 Would I like to have lost it all back then....when I had so much less to lose?  Of course.  I said back then I would never have this surgery... It's a cop out.  It's for the weak, the unmotivated, the lazy.  I could do it - on my own. And every year I said I would.  And every year I didn't.

At that point- T&J are no longer toddlers, both full fledged kiddos in school and everything.  LOML and I pack up and journey 5,000 miles North to Alaska.  Jobs {my current one my favorite so far}came, home ownership came and went, holidays came and went.  T&J grew and we settled into a groove.  Then January 2009 took the wind out of the sails and in 6 short months cancer stole my hero.   I flew a lot that year and learned to ask the flight attendant as I boarded to bring me a seat belt extender (because pushing the button after we were all seated was mortifying).

I got home from my hero's funeral and was different.  Always emotional but never the medication needing chick- I became the medication needing chick. Then my physical side started reacting to my emotional side.  Thyroid meds, antidepressant/anti-anxiety meds, vitamin D,  pre-diabetic metabolic syndrome meds..... And I went from the weight I had stalled at for years....a weight I hated but didn't let it make me hate myself - to a weight that made me hate myself.  No more good, good, good.

So 2013 rolls around and a dear friend says <I think I'm going to try this weight loss surgery {WLS}.  Wanna find out about it with me.>  I say < Hell no, that's not for me>!   Then I don't sleep for 3 nights....all I think about is WLS.

Fast forward to right this minute.  I sit here thinking - in one week I'll be recovering from WLS.  HOLY SNAPPING ASSHOLES!!!!  I'm doing it.  So this here is a record of my journey from Fat Chick to Healthy Hen - join me if you'd like.  I won't promise anything.  I may post daily, I may not.  This won't be an obligation for me - it's just my journey.