Comfy in my skin

Went through my closet this weekend and I already have a pile of stuff that is either too BIG {what?!?!?!?} or that I just won't wear to take to the thrift store.  It was fun to get rid of the tent shirts that made me feel moderately comfortable...or maybe just secure and protected under a tent of fabric. 

 

I got to thinking.  The weight I am at now is a weight I hovered around for years and years.  A weight where I felt like me.  Comfy in my own skin.  Slowly the pounds started creeping past this comfy phase into a not so comfy miserable {stretched to the skin limits} phase, where I constantly felt like a stuffed sausage about to burst my casing.  My body was full.  Full of fat, full of sad, empty of hope.  Until now.

 

The journey I am on since my surgery has honestly - {for realsies}- made me happier.  It baffles me.  I am the same.  But I feel better.  I look better.  I get tons of compliments about my progress.  And I seriously haven't cried or had an anxiety attack since the weight started coming off.  Don't get me wrong.  I have had a few bad, overwhelming, tiring days.  But I am happy. 

 

I have noticed it is easier to remain calm around my kids teenagers{with the exception of the last few days of scolding yelling screaming} with exasperation and frustration over pre-Christmas entitlement and greedy, downright pissy attitudes.  I get much less irritated in general.  It could just be the weight loss.  Or the fact that sugar rarely enters my system and I am now 6 weeks gluten free.  Whatever it is....I'm not complaining

 

So hopefully the stress of the holidays won't make me a nuttier version of my former self.  Right now I am happy in my skin {not so happy I want to stay here} and excited to see the hen who gets even smaller....

 

As you know I am a firm believer in visual aids. 

I shocked myself when I got dressed this morning and looked at an old picture on Facebook wearing the same shirt.  Same shirt...different me.  So far 38.6 pounds down.....

Voices

I'm doing good.  I'm losing, I feel good, I haven't been sick or had adverse reactions (except the allergic reaction) since my surgery.  

The things that are hard for me so far are head things not body things.  

My head constantly screws with me.  My body isn't hungry - my mind is....head hunger.  It sucks! 

My head constantly fights with itself about what I know I need to do and what my old habits are.  

Eggnog shakes are here 

and a voice whispers in my ear.... You know you want it.  

Yep I did want it.  But I delivered it to my boys at home and ate some fish and later a sugar free grape Popsicle....{swoon} and the voice still said.... Maybe it wouldn't have made you sick..just try it.  STFU stupid voice. 

I went to WLS support group tonight.  I learned I need that once a month meeting to touch base with people near me who have been through the same thing.  It helps keep my head straight and feel normal about how crazy I feel sometimes- how the voice in my head won't sabotage me.  

I realized tonight- {an aha moment if you will} that this isn't another diet that I can just give up on - I have drastically changed my body and I will listen to it...and attempt to ignore the voice in my head. 

One month and 30+ pounds down....a reason to smile for sure.