Nifty Fifty

On Saturday the 4th I shared my 2 month surgiversary with my MIL's birthday. 
This morning I weighed in with a 50.4 pound loss.  2 months {and 2 days} after my life changing event.  

50 pounds is a lot.  
If say, I wanted to ship my lost 50 to my mom in Maine...I would have to spend the following...

Tue Jan 7, 2014 12:00 PMFedEx Priority Overnight^®245.36

 Tue Jan 7, 2014 8:00 PMFedEx Standard Overnight^®239.53 

Wed Jan 8, 2014 12:00 PMFedEx 2Day AM^®198.11 

Wed Jan 8, 2014 8:00 PMFedEx 2Day^®173.80 

End of day(9 Business Days)FedEx Home Delivery ^®120.92

Now I'm pretty sure my Momma is trying to lose a few pounds of her own and would not want me to ship her my 50 lost pounds.... 

These are examples of the things I used to heft around daily:

• The largest bag of dog food 
• A small bag of cement mix
• 200 dollars in Quarters
• 6 gallons of water
• a large cooler of beer and ice

 

NO wonder I was tired occasionally  ALL.THE.TIME!!!!  

NO wonder my feet hurt all the time. {Nary a foot pain recently.} 

NO wonder I never wanted to do anything but sleep.  {BTW I still love to sleep and occasionally catch up on a few several hours on the weekend, much to LOML's chagrin.}

NO wonder I had to nap everyday at lunchtime {still do sometimes.}

NO wonder shaving my legs was such a chore {there's a lotta leg there.}

NO wonder the thought of painting my own toenails was so daunting {couldn't see my toes - can now!}

NO wonder I wore Danskos all the time...no laces!!!!  {I just bought a pair of New Balance sneakers...with shoelaces! Score!}

NO wonder I rarely wore jewelry - my neck, fingers, wrists were always too chubby for jewelry to feel comfortable. {I wear it almost daily now & I look GOOD :)}

NO wonder I was constantly irritated with everything {I still get irritated but now mostly on a monthly cycle :)}

The only thing I truly wonder about it is why the Holy Hell I waited so long to have it done.  

I am happy.  I am thinner.  I am exactly 1/3 of the way to my goal.  

Happy Nifty Fifty to me.  

Comfy in my skin

Went through my closet this weekend and I already have a pile of stuff that is either too BIG {what?!?!?!?} or that I just won't wear to take to the thrift store.  It was fun to get rid of the tent shirts that made me feel moderately comfortable...or maybe just secure and protected under a tent of fabric. 

 

I got to thinking.  The weight I am at now is a weight I hovered around for years and years.  A weight where I felt like me.  Comfy in my own skin.  Slowly the pounds started creeping past this comfy phase into a not so comfy miserable {stretched to the skin limits} phase, where I constantly felt like a stuffed sausage about to burst my casing.  My body was full.  Full of fat, full of sad, empty of hope.  Until now.

 

The journey I am on since my surgery has honestly - {for realsies}- made me happier.  It baffles me.  I am the same.  But I feel better.  I look better.  I get tons of compliments about my progress.  And I seriously haven't cried or had an anxiety attack since the weight started coming off.  Don't get me wrong.  I have had a few bad, overwhelming, tiring days.  But I am happy. 

 

I have noticed it is easier to remain calm around my kids teenagers{with the exception of the last few days of scolding yelling screaming} with exasperation and frustration over pre-Christmas entitlement and greedy, downright pissy attitudes.  I get much less irritated in general.  It could just be the weight loss.  Or the fact that sugar rarely enters my system and I am now 6 weeks gluten free.  Whatever it is....I'm not complaining

 

So hopefully the stress of the holidays won't make me a nuttier version of my former self.  Right now I am happy in my skin {not so happy I want to stay here} and excited to see the hen who gets even smaller....

 

As you know I am a firm believer in visual aids. 

I shocked myself when I got dressed this morning and looked at an old picture on Facebook wearing the same shirt.  Same shirt...different me.  So far 38.6 pounds down.....

Voices

I'm doing good.  I'm losing, I feel good, I haven't been sick or had adverse reactions (except the allergic reaction) since my surgery.  

The things that are hard for me so far are head things not body things.  

My head constantly screws with me.  My body isn't hungry - my mind is....head hunger.  It sucks! 

My head constantly fights with itself about what I know I need to do and what my old habits are.  

Eggnog shakes are here 

and a voice whispers in my ear.... You know you want it.  

Yep I did want it.  But I delivered it to my boys at home and ate some fish and later a sugar free grape Popsicle....{swoon} and the voice still said.... Maybe it wouldn't have made you sick..just try it.  STFU stupid voice. 

I went to WLS support group tonight.  I learned I need that once a month meeting to touch base with people near me who have been through the same thing.  It helps keep my head straight and feel normal about how crazy I feel sometimes- how the voice in my head won't sabotage me.  

I realized tonight- {an aha moment if you will} that this isn't another diet that I can just give up on - I have drastically changed my body and I will listen to it...and attempt to ignore the voice in my head. 

One month and 30+ pounds down....a reason to smile for sure.

Hurdles

I know I know, it's been over a week since my last post.  But I've been really really busy! Really busy!  Two of the moms in J's class and I planned a fundraiser dinner and auction which we had on Friday night. It's been a crazy month with my surgery and planning this auction, but it went off pretty well. We raised over $10,000!  And all the proceeds go to J's class specifically for the DC trip in May.  

The dinner was a challenge, it was pasta and bread sticks and pizza muffins {which looked fantastic by the way}and salad and chicken.  I could eat none of it.  I did deconstruct a small piece of lasagna and ate all the sauce out of it so that's what I had for dinner that night.  The dessert auction was something I thought I would have BIG trouble with. In all reality though,  it wasn't that hard because I was so busy.  Even though my mother-in-law made a death by chocolate ~ I could have stuck my head in and eaten all of it but I didn't.  Score one for ME! Plus, It probably would have been improper because our table didn't win that dessert in the dessert auction.  But my kids made good

use of the left overs....J a death by chocolate pancake and T finished it off in good form. 

The booze was another thing I was worried about at the auction because auctions are more fun when you're tanked. But since I'm too scared to get sick from eating what I'm not supposed to, I ignored the desert and the pasta and the booze and focused on working the auction.  And I did ok!

So now that the auction is over I can focus on eating and preparing and getting myself straight as to what I can and can't eat.  I'd been eating on the go last week while planning the auction and having meetings and I learned some things. I learned that there are things that I hated before the surgery that I like now.  And vice versa.

For example: 

     I like mushrooms. During one of our lunch meetings for the auction the only option available for me was a mushroom soup. I ate it and loved it.  Before the surgery you could not have paid me to touch a mushroom with a 10 foot pole. 

    I now love Guacamole.  Before the look and feel and taste of avocados made me want to hurl.  Saturday night I went to an Origami Owl launch party for a new designer that signed up under me.   Her husband made homemade guacamole. That night I had guacamole and salmon dip for dinner and it was fantastic.  

     I hate the smell of coconut now.  I loved coconut before the surgery.  I'll try it again and let you know the outcome.  

     I'm also going to try things that before I hated for example: cottage cheese. I hate cottage cheese. Always have. Not sure I always will though I'm going to try it someday soon. In reality I've never actually eaten cottage cheese plain but the look of it makes me want to toss my cookies.  Not ready to try Brussel sprouts yet though.... Not sure I ever will be. 

So here it is Thanksgiving week and I'm going to succeed. I passed my first hurdle which was the dinner/auction and I'm going to make it through Thanksgiving as well. Still making my sweet potato casserole like I do every year. I'm going to make a tiny one for me with Splenda instead of sugar and without the topping.  I'll let you know how it goes. 

Oh and PS - I've lost 30 pounds! 

Moose... It's what's for dinner

I've been craving beef lately.  I want steak, a burger, prime rib....purée is getting to me.  I can't even do yogurt right now.  I'm so cold all I want is warm hearty food.  I think it's partly the fact that I'm not eating carbs and the fact that it's freezing cold outside. {interestingly enough - I'm not too cold to have my nightly sugar free fudgscicle or Popsicle}. I don't think anything will ever stop me from some kind of dessert.

Although soup fills me up and I'm satisfied - I wanted homemade, like mom made, beef something.  Out came the moose steaks given to us when I was first out of the hospital.  I crock-potted them with carrots, potatoes, onion and spices

It smelled so good!  

The family {even picky T} ate it up.  

I puréed mine into mush.....

Even in this gross looking form it was sooooo good!!!  Soooooo good!

A few weeks ago - before my surgery I found some trays made for freezing and storing homemade baby food.  Since I knew I'd be eating like a baby for a while, I picked them up on a whim.  They complemented the Beaba Baby Cook that I picked up {Value Village is my friend} a couple months ago.  

So now I have a tray full of moose mush ready to pop out and heat up when I feel like moose for dinner! 

PS - I'm down 25 pounds 

Time......is not on my side

Time flies.  

Time is wasting.  

Time's a changing.  

Ticking time bomb..... 

TIME. 

 Time passing is something I have to teach myself to deal with since this surgery.  

- for example:

  I have to wait 4 weeks for soft food.  Strictly puréed food for me for 4 weeks.  So far {amazingly} over one week has passed.  Puréed food is boring.  And currently only cream of wheat and creamy soups satisfy me right now.

  I have to make 2 oz.  { picture 2 oz. - that's 2 shots for you alcohol lovers} last for 20-30 minutes when I eat.  When I sip 2 oz. of soup it needs to take a half hour.  THAT IS HARD.  Hard to wait. Hard to be patient.  Hard to stop sipping when it tastes so fucking good, but I know if I eat anymore, I'll be sick - 

 Time is a tricky thing.  I wonder where it went when I look at my teenagers.  I wonder why I let so many years pass in an unhealthy, obese body.  

But I am working on realizing that if I take my time, and plan my "meals" pretty soon a year will have passed, that time will be gone and I'll be sporting a new healthy body.  

 

  

  

Yummy chicken for this {a little less} fat chick

So my 1st night in my bed sucked.   I had pain med nightmares.  Creepy, crazy, scary dreams.  So, no more pain meds for me.  It was like I woke up and was still in the creepy, crazy, scary icky gooey place.  Blech!

Today was good.  I tried new things... Greek yogurt likes me.  My sordid affair with the grape Popsicle rekindled itself today....mmmmmmm.  And dinner.... Let me tell you about my dinner.  

All week my awesome friends have been bringing dinner to my family.  When I was gone lasagna, pizza, Mac and cheese and moose hotdogs came and my family was fed.  {and we got a moose roast!!!}I came home last night to enchiladas, which smelled AH-mazing!  

Tonight's dinner was something I could have!  Chicken Pesto.  

I cut it up, Brent ground it up, we added chicken broth and I had Chicken pest paste.

OoohhhmyyyGoodGodsoooogood! 

I ate about 2.5 ounces - got full and feel great.  I'm so excited to start cooking and crockpotting stuff!!!!

Thank you Sam George, Stephanie Sager, Sharon Zagyva, Lisa Ham, and finally Tricia Zuyus for bringing food and setting this all up!  Love you all!